March 20, 2023

Dear Journal,

I decided to begin a journal of sorts… call it a quest for something new, something more. Having conquered so many of my big goals, and having reached some things I thought might be impossible I find myself asking myself what I missed. What else is there? Who else can I be?

Furthermore, what does it even mean to “be” anything at all?

I think human nature is a complex tapestry of virtues and vices, embodying both light and darkness.

At the heart of humanity lies our innate capacity for love, compassion, and empathy, which allows us to form deep bonds and connections. It’s how we feel that “thing” deep inside. Human nature is also marked by a continuous struggle for power, influence, and control. It’s rooted in our primal instincts to survive and protect resources. This is also who we are.

The paradox of human nature is this duality—our capacity to embody both love and hatred, altruism and greed. This duality is evident in our personal lives and the broader context of human history, serving as a reminder that we are neither good nor bad but rather a complex being shaped by will.

We are nothing until we decide to become anything at all. We do nothing until we decide to throw caution to the wind and just carelessly dance to the rhythm of our song — a fluid interplay of forces shaping our individual and collective experiences.

At times, the dance leans towards compassion and unity, while at others, it shifts towards conflict and division. Recognizing this duality offers an opportunity for growth and transformation.

We are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of our past or be forever bound by our basal instincts. Instead, we have the power to choose which aspects of our nature we wish to nurture and develop.

We have the will to decide what we want to become, if anything at all.

By consciously cultivating empathy, compassion, and understanding, we can foster a world that celebrates the full spectrum of our humanity. But this is something that humanity must decide for itself and this is something that humans aren’t that interested in anymore.

We don’t want to choose for ourselves. Or do we? Do I want to be anything at all or am I just like the very thing that I fear most – the mindless creature just walking through life.

I need to think more about my own dual nature and what drives me. What has driven me to create a journal? Guidance, perhaps. A reason to just write and let my words guide my decisions at some later point? Perhaps even a signpost for others who may feel as I do.

This could be amazing, or it could be nothing at all. The choice is my own. Right?

Until tomorrow.